They don't want to hear from you. How do school teachers handle this? Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. ", 32. Try spelling Evian backward. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. This cookie is set by Akamai. ", 122. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. The sp_landing is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. It doesn't matter what side you're on. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. You have owners. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. "We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. No nothing! ", 20. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. ", 6. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. They are irrelevant. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. ", 79. "I don't have pet peeves. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ", 83. No nothing. This data helps to customize website content to enhance user experience. Provided by amazon-adsystem to make advertising messages more relevant to the users and their interests. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. AWSALB is an application load balancer cookie set by Amazon Web Services to map the session to the target. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. ", 48. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. I'm a cowboy who . "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. They own and control the corporations. Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. Theyre not interested in that. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. And complaining about the politicians. George Carlin. "Bulls**t is truly the American soundtrack. George Carlinwas one of the greatest comedians that ever graced a stage, and his comedy was as poignant and deep as it was hilarious. Carlin is usually spot on. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. So I don't trust none of them. You have owners. Why? - George Carlin. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. You don't. You have no choice! You don't. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. They dont give a fuck about you. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. I had an imaginary friend. ", 41. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. '", 70. [] I look at war a little bit differently. ", 118. You're down to seven. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. I think I was probably a cowboy in a past life. They own everything. What do you get at the end of it? YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. "It helps to remember this.. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. ", 101. ", 47. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. (LogOut/ ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. - Arthur Baer. I didn't bother with him. You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. Enjoy! And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' ", 60. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. They OWN YOU. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. The game is rigged. The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. Forget the politicians. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. ", 58. ", 65. Thats all it is. "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Nobody seems to care. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. 1. Carlin is funny as hell. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. ", 81. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' Theyre all in favor of the unborn. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. Am I right? ", 19. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. You have no choice. RIP George Carlin. 3 queens who slayed while imitating Rep. George Santoss drag alter ego, Kitara Rivache, Libs Of TikTok's Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, Tennessee issues trans healthcare ban & nation's first drag ban. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . "I have lots of ideas. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. 01. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. The test_cookie is set by doubleclick.net and is used to determine if the user's browser supports cookies. When a . This cookie, set by Cloudflare, is used to support Cloudflare Bot Management. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. I don't like cats. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. 41. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. "So, have a little fun. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. ", 114. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. And nobody seems to notice. ", 85. Its you. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. ", 15. The people are f**ked. Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. "There's a humorous side to every situation. The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store the original referrer for the site visitor. George Carlin. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. "I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. They will do anything for the unborn. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. This cookie is set by Segment to track visitor usage and events within the website. He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago (LogOut/ This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. I don't trust none of them. ", 51. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. 28. r/antiwork. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. ", 11. '", 123. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. they don't wanna know about you. It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. His entire bit is included in the nearly two-minute video perfectly conjoined with photos of Trump and the results of his administration flood the screen.